Jealousy is often the first thing people ask about when they learn we’re deeply involved in the lifestyle. And when we say “deeply,” we mean it: we go to lifestyle clubs, attend house parties, meet new people at bars, and connect online. We date together and separately, enjoy both one-night encounters and long-term relationships, and yet, we’ve found ways to navigate jealousy so that it doesn’t cause major issues.
Starting from a Strong Foundation
We didn’t start the lifestyle to “fix” anything. Our relationship was already stable, happy, and sexually fulfilling. Entering the lifestyle was about enhancing the connection we had, not repairing it.
From the beginning, we were naturally open with each other. I could point out an attractive woman on the street, and she could admire a man’s abs without either of us feeling threatened. This level of openness made it easier to dip our toes into non-monogamy.
Our First Experience at a Lifestyle Club
Our first foray into the lifestyle was at Oasis Aqualounge in Toronto. We stayed close to each other, taking everything in—watching, listening, and asking questions. That night, we didn’t engage in much beyond conversation. But on the drive home, and for the next week, we had deep discussions about what we saw, how we felt, and what boundaries we might want to explore on our next visit.
Building Communication and Trust
Each club visit became an opportunity to explore something new. Before we arrived, we’d discuss what we were willing to try that night. Afterward, we’d debrief, talking through the experiences—what we liked, what we didn’t, and how we felt.
We took our time. It took nearly five years before we fully embraced non-monogamy and polyamory. Moving at our own pace allowed us to reflect on each new step without overwhelming ourselves. If there was something we didn’t like, it was usually small and manageable because we had approached it slowly, like adding one ingredient at a time to a recipe.
Our Approach to Jealousy
Now, we can go out separately, date individually or as a couple, and even act as each other’s wingman. Instead of tearing us apart, these experiences bring us closer. They give us something exciting to share and talk about later.
The key to managing jealousy is our strong foundation. We know that no matter what happens during the night, we will return to each other. That certainty—that we’ll always come back together—keeps jealousy from taking root. We’ve built a relationship based on trust, communication, and shared experiences, and that’s what allows us to thrive in the lifestyle.
