Introduction
My girlfriend and I started our relationship in person when she worked nearby. However, she had always dreamed of going back to school, and when she got accepted halfway across the country, I was both excited for her and apprehensive about starting a long-distance relationship.
Over a year later, we’re still going strong, and our relationship is stronger than ever. In this article, I’ll share how we’ve made long-distance polyamory work, from communication strategies to managing multiple partners.
The Importance of Communication in Long-Distance Polyamory
Before my girlfriend moved away, we knew communication would be key to maintaining our connection. However, we underestimated just how much communication would be necessary to stay close while apart.
Currently, we have weekly “Tuesdates” where we video chat, watch a movie, play games, or even cook dinner together virtually. In addition to this weekly ritual, we fit in a few impromptu chat sessions throughout the week, which can range from a quick catch-up to hours of conversation. We also text each other daily to keep the connection flowing.
We use WhatsApp as our primary communication tool, allowing us to text, video call, voice call, and even maintain group chats with friends. Having this all-in-one platform has made staying connected much easier.
Navigating Time Differences and Scheduling Communication
Thankfully, our time difference is only two hours, so it’s relatively easy to manage. When it’s early evening for one of us, it’s late evening for the other, which works out well for scheduling time to talk.
Having a set communication schedule—like our weekly Tuesdates—ensures we have at least one dedicated time to connect each week. This structure prevents us from endlessly postponing chats and keeps the relationship a priority. I also coordinate these times with my other partner, allowing her to schedule her own activities or date nights while I’m occupied.
Planning Visits and Maximizing Time Together
Fortunately, my girlfriend returns home during the summers since she’s only away for school, so we get to spend an extended period together then. Beyond that, I budget for one flight per month to visit her for a weekend. If there’s an event or something special happening here, I’ll fly her back instead.
Having these visits to look forward to makes a big difference. Physical presence is important, and planning these regular trips allows us to maintain the intimacy in our relationship despite the distance.
Supporting Other Relationships While Apart
Even though my girlfriend is far away, we still find ways to integrate her into the broader polycule. Sometimes, other members of the polycule join our virtual date nights, even if it’s just for a couple of hours. This allows us to catch up, share laughs, and play games together as a group.
Once a year, my primary partner and I fly out to visit my girlfriend together, giving us a chance to spend in-person time with the polycule. When my girlfriend is back home, we also make an effort to spend time together as a group.
Trust and Independence in Long-Distance Polyamory
Trust is crucial in any long-distance relationship, and polyamory adds another layer to it. Each of us maintains a level of independence within our local communities, supported by the boundaries we’ve agreed upon. This allows us to pursue the relationships and support systems we need while apart, making our time together even more meaningful.
Conclusion
Long-distance polyamorous relationships can be challenging, but they also offer unique opportunities for growth. They teach you to strengthen communication, deepen emotional resilience, and build trust. With effort, planning, and care, long-distance relationships—whether monogamous or polyamorous—can thrive across the miles.
